Tag Archives: stand up for yourself

What would you do if you witnessed this incident?

68985_683912108405178_2398408205258805764_nA young lady in her mid-twenties is being beaten black and blue by a strong, well-built man as 50+ people stand by and watch.


What would you do?

How would you react?


Visit the following link to read the entire story and let us know what you would do in the comments below if you found yourself in this awful situation.



Love & light,
Team ILF

Self acceptance…and why it matters.

selfacceptanceIn the book The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, Nathaniel Branden tells us that “self acceptance is more primitive than self esteem. It is a per rational, per oral act of self affirmation.”

I think in the caveman days it served to say to the tribe that we, too deserve to eat at the fire, to have a place in the cave for shelter and we have a place at the fire for community and camaraderie.

In modern times this means that girls have the right to eat the same healthy food as her brothers and father. She has the same rights for schooling and she has the right to expect and demand that she and her body be respected.

The women in our colleges have the right to NOT be raped. Parents of boys should expect that their favorite sons will be held up to face the music if they violate a women. (See this article about a horrific rape at UVA.)

“Self acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself.”

“An attitude of basic self-acceptance is what an effective psychotherapist strives to awaken in a person of even the lowest self esteem. This attitude can inspire an individual to face whatever he or she needs to encounter within without collapsing into self hatred, repudiating the value of his or her person, or relinquishing the will to live. It entails the declaration : “I choose to value myself, to treat myself with respect, to stand up for my right to exist.” This primary act of self affirmation is the base on which self esteem develops.”

When we cannot dig deep enough to uncover this basic self acceptance, we fall prey to what others want to say and do to our minds and our bodies.

We must, at all costs, find the strength to face ourselves and to declare: “This is the day that I stand for ME.”

Will you practice standing up for yourself in small ways?

Maybe at the grocery store, or at the doctors office or perhaps with the your child’s teacher.

If you practice in small places, the larger places will not seem so very dire.


Love and light,



P.S. Read The Six Pillars of Self -Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. It is worth every minute of your time.

Can I stand back up? Yes.

WomanImageStand back up from what, you may ask?

I was recently assaulted and although it was “unintentional”, intentional or unintentional, the psychological injury is the same.

As I wallow in shame, doubt, distrust and unworthiness…I look for the lessons I can take from the experience to put into good use.

I have learned to stand up for my boundaries and to find strength in knowing I am worthy. I can use this knowledge to help others who may not have found their strength to stand for their boundaries or appreciate their own worthiness.

We are all worthy of love and respect, no matter what.

I can say that….
if you are battling abuse, regardless of the form
if you are battling rejection
if you are battling shame, doubt, and distrust
if you are wondering if you can ever stand back up again


The answer is yes.

It sometimes just takes a little time…


~Guest blogger- who would like to remain anonymous


Who pushes your buttons?


push-to-add-drama via viraluploadWe all have people like this in our lives. They just seem to get under our skin. They know just what to say and when to say it and before you know it you are upset, crying or yelling and it feels like they have won….again.

This used to happen to me all the time. It used to feel like I walked into the trap and stayed in the trap even as I saw they were springing it on me….again!

The one BIG mistake that I used to make was this… I used to think that the people who did this to me cared about me.

When I began to realize that these people only liked to hear themselves talk, it was easier for me to untangle myself from their traps. I began to really listen to their words, the ACTUAL words, and I began to ASK them what they meant?

For instance…
When a family member says, “Well that’s just how you are.”
I now say, “What exactly do you mean?”
I noticed that the speaker would do a double take and would begin to trip over their words.
They began to say things like, “Oh, nothing really.” Or “Well I was just making a joke.”
Then I could say, “What was the joke?” Or “Was the joke at MY expense?”

I chose to react in this way until I felt that I broke the other person of their behaviors with me.
I chose to uninstall the buttons that used to be pushed all the time.
I must tell you, it takes time and patience but it was well worth my time an attention.

It was worth the time investment because it showed that I respected myself and that I expected others to respect me as well.

Just to reiterate my strategy:
I. I would ask for clarity.
2. I would ask for further clarity.
3. I would then pin point the “dig” and ask for even more clarity.

Please note that I was NOT concerned on who would like me, or who would judge me. I only focused on standing up for myself.
Love and light,
Indrani (Reminding you to stand up for yourself in the face of verbal bullies.)

The story of Tatty…

I first heard about Tatty from a dear friend. Tatty was in an abusive marriage for 11 years.

She was not allowed to work and her husband was an alcoholic. She faced his wrath nightly.
My friend, Jackie, told me that from time to time Tatty would call her in the middle of the night and beg for help. Jackie could hear him screaming and the children crying in the background. Jackie would sometimes go over to try to ease the situation, until I advised her that she should not go and should instead call the police. I advised Jackie that she had to take care of herself and her own family.

Jackie has four lovely children and they need her to be alive.

Over the years, I would ask about Tatty and offer Jackie some more tips on how to help her. I made it clear that it was Tatty who needed to stand up and seek help. Tatty made several attempts to flee, but the husband would apologize and she would go back. About four months ago, Jackie told me that Tatty called again at 3am.

Jackie told her to call the police.
This time, Tatty did call the police.
I advised Jackie to tell Tatty to leave the city and find shelter far away from her abuser.

Fast Forward to today, Jackie tells me:
1. Tatty has the first job of her life.
2. Tatty now feels useful not useless as she had been told.
3. Tatty’s abuser calls every day, screaming at her to come back and says it’s the last time he will call.
4. Tatty is strong enough to say ok, I am NOT coming back.
5. Tatty says that she has never been happier and that all the kids are in school and are happy too!

What an amazing woman Tatty is! What courage! What strength! She is WOMAN; hear her roar in defense of her kids and herself.

If you are being abused, you can take some advice from Tatty.
What did she do?

She reached out for help, left the city and went hours away from her abuser.
She made sure that she had a police record of the abuse.
She made sure that her kids were settled in their new school.
She got a job that she likes.

Tatty is a restaurant worker and is happy at her place of employment.
She goes to work knowing that she is free and peaceful and that her kids are safe.

Tatty finally raised her voice and roared NO MORE ABUSE!

You can take some small steps to help yourself but be sure your abuser is NOT aware of what you are doing. Call your local shelter for tips on how to get away safely.
Millions of women are abused yearly, and thousands escape to safety.

Know that there is a large support network out there for you, whatever your choice may be.

Take care of yourself and reach out for help.

Love and light