Yearly Archives: 2012

How do you SEE yourself?

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There is so much research done on people’s self-perception.

Some people, who used to be overweight but have since lost weight, still see themselves as heavy. Some people, who were thin but have since gained weight, still see themselves as skinny. We sometimes see ourselves as better or worse than what we truly are.

We do not do this consciously…we do this at a deep sub-conscious level and we are often times unaware of what we think of ourselves.
I am barely over 5 feet and I am still stunned when I see my reflection in a shop window. I expect to look as tall as I feel.
Similarly I know very tall women who see themselves as short because they hate their height.
Our images have been influenced by all the voices we have ever heard telling us who we are.
We often forget that someone’s impression of who we are is just that…their impression.

It is not a fact. It is JUST their perception.
Can we be BRAVE enough to say, “That’s one opinion, I have many others to pick from”?
Can we be strong enough to NOT believe what others think of us?

“What you think of me is NONE of my business.”
I offer these words to you; take them as your own mantra. They will help you ground yourself when someone’s words are hurtful.

Love and light,

Indrani

Take your OWN pulse…

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Have you ever embarked on a training regimen where you were required to stop every so often to take your pulse?
Why do you think the trainer or teacher makes you do this?
Well…it’s a heart health thing, right?

There are ranges of the pulse that are healthy and ranges that are not. When your pulse is too high it can be unsafe to continue whatever you are doing and you must STOP and rest…maybe even sit down for a while until the pulse levels off.

I believe that we also have an energetic pulse. The energetic pulse takes its cue from our surroundings and how we feel about what is going on around us. If I walk into a room and everyone is silent, they may be mad at each other or they may be in silent meditation. One feels different from the other. One environment feels cold and charged and the other feels calm and peaceful. If you grew up within a religion that teaches “meditation is a way to let the devil in” then you may be afraid to be in that space even though it is peaceful. On the other hand, if you grew up with chaos and screaming and ‘The Silent Treatment’ was always being doled out, it may feel familiar and comfortable and you may not even care about the coldness in the room.

Each one of us brings our own interpretation to every event we encounter. Our interpretations have been informed by our past experiences, and they in turn, inform our assessments of the situation.

We must learn to take our energy pulse and ask ourselves what we are feeling, where we are feeling and how these feelings are playing a role in the situation.

Let me give you a simple example:
I walk into a room and someone is there. They are reading and they look up and nod their head.
I can interpret that many ways.
I can feel ignored that they did not say hi.
I can feel good that they nodded and recognized me.
I can be upset that they did not jump off the sofa and embrace me.
I can be grateful that they are giving me space to calm down after a long day.

All of the above are possibilities. How I decide what to feel is based on my past experience.
If I grew up with extroverts who were always hugging and chattering then the silence would seem odd to me and I might be upset. If I grew up with introverts, then I may feel quite comfortable and have no issue with it.

If we begin to take our own pulses and investigate what the energy means, we may be able to come to more peaceful interpretations of the circumstances we find ourselves in. We may just give ourselves a break and that could be really great for our hearts.

Love and light
Indrani

Remember your purpose….

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Sometimes, in the privacy of our own homes and the lonesome feelings of our own heads, we MAY be tempted to give up the fight, path, journey, struggle. A small voice might say…What’s the use? You are just spinning your wheels in mud….who do you really think you are?

Has this ever happened to you?

If so, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself these simple questions?

Why are you doing this thing that you are doing?
Who will suffer if you give up?
Can you help just ONE other person?

Take time to answer the questions.
I believe that you will find the strength to go on for one more day.
Many years ago, in the midst of my darkest days the LOVE for my children kept me holding on by my finger nails.
I am so glad my finger nails were strong! I bet yours are too!

A Thousand Words…What the movie taught me.

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I was recently on a flight and saw the movie A Thousand Words, it was funny and introspective at the same time.

I did not expect introspection from Eddie Murphy.

The premise of the movie (spoiler alert) is that Eddie Murphy’s character has 1000 words left and when he reached this quota, he will die.
There is an outer manifestation of this which is a tree in his back yard that loses a leaf with every word he speaks.
He loses three words (and three leaves) if he says “I love you.”
This becomes very problematic not only at work, but with his wife, to whom he cannot express his love because he does not want to die.
If he writes a word, the leaves also fall.

Ok, so it’s a movie and it all works out in the end!
BUT, what if it could be true?
Do you know how many words you have left?
This of course presupposes that you know how many years you have and you know how many words you will speak each day.
A daunting mathematical problem!

How many years do I have left?
I know not.
I have this moment.
What I choose to say in this moment can be uplifting or off putting.
It can be humorous or humorless.
It can be stated without judgment or it can be accusatory.
I can whisper or shout.
I have a plethora of choices.

How do I decide?
I have to KNOW who I am and how I want to show up in the world.

I have to know ME!
I have to be true to me.
I have to fight the lethargy that comes with everyday living and the urge to be “fed up” with knowing myself. I have to be ON.
That takes at first a conscious decision to be true to me, then it becomes like breathing.
It becomes a living testament to the William Shakespeare quote “to thine own self be true.”
I must live, To MY own self be true.

I recently had someone forward me a text that they received from another person.
This person just sent the text. They did not say what they wanted me to do with it.
I had to wonder, what should I do here? Should I ignore it, therefore ignore the person who sent it to me?
Should I comment?
I chose to comment, but with humor.
Why? Because I have chosen to try and find the lesson or the humor in my experiences.
How did the recipient take it? I do not know!
What did I accomplish?
Only being true to “MY OWN SELF.”

It’s a long and winding road, indeed.

Love & light,

Indrani

What kind of plant are you?

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What kind of plant are you?

Recently someone pointed out to me that I am like a cactus.   It was said in reference that I have been devoid of love, like a cactus has be devoid of water.

I let the comment pass but I began to draw similarities between myself and a cactus.

If I were a cactus I would be a saguaro.

Saguaro cacti stand tall through the blazing sun and yet, are able to endure the snowy cold…just as I was raised to stand tall and to endure the elements.

Be tough no matter what; be stoic.

Saguaros, at least in photos, seem to be isolated and remote.  I tend to isolate myself.

Cacti have thorns…so even if you want to get close the prickles are enough to ensure that no one gets too close. I may not have thorns but I definitely keep people at bay.

Like any cactus they can survive dry spells and live through a drought. As it was pointed out to me, I have survived through a love drought.

When a cactus does encounter water…the roots dig in and grasp at the vital water.  I have found when love has been present in my life, I hone in on it almost obsessively, trying to absorb as much as possible.

With water, the cactus blooms.  With love, I radiate, blossom, and am beautiful to see.

An extreme plant. An extreme person.

If you were a plant…what kind of plant would you be?

Wishing for the Sound of Silence…

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Sing the following words to the tune of the Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel…

“Hello story my old friend
I’ve come to fondle you again
Because your lies have me trapped in
The same old paths that are in my brain
And the stories, never give me any peace, any peace,
Wishing for the sounds of silence”

Ok, so I am not a real lyricist…. but I do pretend to be one once in a while.

My teacher and mentor Dr. Martha Beck, tells us that we all have a tendency to ‘story fondle.’ You know, telling the same dramatic story over and over again and looking for people to agree and to commiserate.  If someone challenges our story, we tend to become defensive and lash out or sulk in a corner.

How DARE they not believe us?
Who do they think they are?
What right do they have to say that my truth may in fact be just a story?

Ask yourself this, have you told many someones the same story over and over?
Why do you feel compelled to repeat old stories?
Ask yourself, “Do these stories bring me joy?”

I know whereof I speak, I have used this technique, and it only kept me stuck.
I got tired of being stuck.
The only way I could free myself was to consciously not tell the story. Not ever.
I did vent in therapy where I could get some insight, but other than that I started to create new themes.
It is not easy to step out of the story.
The stories are familiar, and on a strange level…even comforting.
You know every word, where to place charged emphasis and where to shed a tear.
We are academy award winners in our own plays.

Do you need a different way?
Are you tired of being angry and sad?
Yes?
Change the stories.
Make them comedic monologues instead of dramas.
Put on a costume and tell the story from that character’s point of view.
Tell the story with a fake accent and crack yourself up.
Do anything.
Do something different.
If you don’t, who will?

Love and light,
Indrani

The SCALE said…

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The SCALE said…you are a failure.

The month of June 2012 had been magical both personally and professionally.
I embarked on a great training regimen of biking, pilates, dance and fast walking.
I began to have a renewed awareness of what went into my mouth. I tried to reduce “eating meditations” and instead, focused on “chewing meditations.” I chewed slower and tried to be aware of the flavors and the textures of the food while being grateful for strong teeth that facilitated healthy chewing. I put down the knife and fork between bites, to savor the food in my mouth and not have the other bite hovering.

I increased my community service by joining some boards. My Live a Brighter Life training program had officially launched and my beautiful, sleek new training manuals were in hand. My family was healthy and my kids were happy.

Then…. I returned from one of my weekends in Atlanta and I stepped on the scale!

Immediately all if the above disappeared from my mind because I had not lost any weight.

I heard that old familiar voice in my head, “Ummm…..so you are still fat and you think you’re doing so much exercise. When you’re speaking in front of groups of people they probably think you’re too fat to know anything.”

I was amazed at how quickly I began to criticize myself and how eager I was to believe the lies.

So I stopped and thought about how GOOD I am.

I had to remind myself that my work is making a needed difference in the lives of women who are suffering from DV.

I had to remind myself that my energy levels are up and that my body is working well and supporting me in my work.

I had to remind myself that I am doing my best at this moment and I will continue to do my best.

I had to remind myself that a few numbers on a scale does NOT define me.
I define me.

I wanted to tell you this little story because I know that this has probably happened to you as well.

When you hear those familiar voices putting you down…STOP them!
Begin a list of all the good things that you are doing.
Write them down and read them over and over and BELIEVE them.

If you don’t pull yourself out of that darkness, no one will.

Love and light,
Indrani

What will people miss about you?

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What will people miss about you?

I invite you to make a complete list of all you do for others.

Do you sometimes feel useless?
Worthless?
Feel like your work has no use in the world?

Make an in-depth list and be sure to put things like:

Picking up socks
Cleaning toilets
Buying extra toilet paper

Yes, it can be funny what your jobs actually are and how crucial those jobs are to the smooth running of your world.

After you make a list, take a look at it. Are you pleased with the way the list looks?
No? Then change it.
Put things on the list that you want to do.
Find ways to make those things happen.

We have very short windows of opportunity….make today’s window count.

 

Love and light,

Indrani

He tells her she’s pretty…

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He tells her she’s pretty.

He says “call me Daddy.”

He knows she is too young for him to be “chatting her up.”
He knows that she just had a fight with her Mother for being too mouthy.

How does he know?
She told him.

He told her that her Mother is a bitch and she is too pretty to listen to that bitch.
He buys her a purse that’s pink. Pink is her favorite color.

How did he know?
She told him.

He buys her a cold beer. She has never had beer.
How did he know?
She told him her Mother wouldn’t let her have any.

He smiled, knowingly and said, “A pretty woman like you should do whatever you want to do.”

He said, “Ever been in a fancy car like mine?”
She said no, and looked up adoringly to him.

He had hooked another one.
He waited for her to finish her drink…he had lots of time.

He had her whole life to hurry her up. He could wait for a few more minutes.

They drove across state lines.
She was raped that night.
He had lots of time to hurry her up now. She belonged to him. She was another one in the stable.

Do you want to know more about the sex trade?
Go to OWN and search for Lisa Ling’s report on sex trafficking.

If you know a young girl, please reach out to her and make sure you educate her about the horrors that are out there.

Be safe,

Indrani