The SCALE said…you are a failure.
The month of June 2012 had been magical both personally and professionally.
I embarked on a great training regimen of biking, pilates, dance and fast walking.
I began to have a renewed awareness of what went into my mouth. I tried to reduce “eating meditations” and instead, focused on “chewing meditations.” I chewed slower and tried to be aware of the flavors and the textures of the food while being grateful for strong teeth that facilitated healthy chewing. I put down the knife and fork between bites, to savor the food in my mouth and not have the other bite hovering.
I increased my community service by joining some boards. My Live a Brighter Life training program had officially launched and my beautiful, sleek new training manuals were in hand. My family was healthy and my kids were happy.
Then…. I returned from one of my weekends in Atlanta and I stepped on the scale!
Immediately all if the above disappeared from my mind because I had not lost any weight.
I heard that old familiar voice in my head, “Ummm…..so you are still fat and you think you’re doing so much exercise. When you’re speaking in front of groups of people they probably think you’re too fat to know anything.”
I was amazed at how quickly I began to criticize myself and how eager I was to believe the lies.
So I stopped and thought about how GOOD I am.
I had to remind myself that my work is making a needed difference in the lives of women who are suffering from DV.
I had to remind myself that my energy levels are up and that my body is working well and supporting me in my work.
I had to remind myself that I am doing my best at this moment and I will continue to do my best.
I had to remind myself that a few numbers on a scale does NOT define me.
I define me.
I wanted to tell you this little story because I know that this has probably happened to you as well.
When you hear those familiar voices putting you down…STOP them!
Begin a list of all the good things that you are doing.
Write them down and read them over and over and BELIEVE them.
If you don’t pull yourself out of that darkness, no one will.
Love and light,