Use your common sense….
Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 7
Getting out of an abusive relationship is like learning how to walk…..
Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 6
Fill your life with friends that bring you great JOY.
Domestic Violence Awareness Day 5
Surround yourself with beauty.
Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 4
Domestic Violence Awareness Month Day 4- You have a choice!
Domestic Violence Awareness Month- Day 1, 2 & 3
Domestic Violence Awareness Month Day 3- Shine on, baby! Shine on!
Domestic Violence Awareness Month Day 2- Go be powerful!
Domestic Violence Awareness Month Day 1
Why we can’t leave a single girl behind…..
There are so many astonishing statistics in this article:
- Teen pregnancy is the number one cause of mortality for girls between the ages of 15 and 19, and nearly 10 percent of all adolescent girls in low and middle income countries are mothers before they are 16.
- In Colombia, a woman is killed by a current or former partner every six days.
- In Amhara, Ethiopia, 50 percent of girls are married by the time they are 15 years-old.
“As long as women experience discrimination, inequality and violence, their human rights will not be realized and they will be prevented from participating meaningfully in the life of their communities and countries.” –Tewodros Melesse
http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/2013/09/24/why-reproductive-health-matters-post-mdg/
The cycle begins at birth…and we must work together and empower one another so that this cycle doesn’t become a destructive one.
Love & light,
Indrani
Who pushes your buttons?
We all have people like this in our lives. They just seem to get under our skin. They know just what to say and when to say it and before you know it you are upset, crying or yelling and it feels like they have won….again.
This used to happen to me all the time. It used to feel like I walked into the trap and stayed in the trap even as I saw they were springing it on me….again!
The one BIG mistake that I used to make was this… I used to think that the people who did this to me cared about me.
When I began to realize that these people only liked to hear themselves talk, it was easier for me to untangle myself from their traps. I began to really listen to their words, the ACTUAL words, and I began to ASK them what they meant?
For instance…
When a family member says, “Well that’s just how you are.”
I now say, “What exactly do you mean?”
I noticed that the speaker would do a double take and would begin to trip over their words.
They began to say things like, “Oh, nothing really.” Or “Well I was just making a joke.”
Then I could say, “What was the joke?” Or “Was the joke at MY expense?”
I chose to react in this way until I felt that I broke the other person of their behaviors with me.
I chose to uninstall the buttons that used to be pushed all the time.
I must tell you, it takes time and patience but it was well worth my time an attention.
It was worth the time investment because it showed that I respected myself and that I expected others to respect me as well.
Just to reiterate my strategy:
I. I would ask for clarity.
2. I would ask for further clarity.
3. I would then pin point the “dig” and ask for even more clarity.
Please note that I was NOT concerned on who would like me, or who would judge me. I only focused on standing up for myself.
Love and light,
Indrani (Reminding you to stand up for yourself in the face of verbal bullies.)
Once upon a time….
Those four words have been the beginning of many fairy tales for centuries. Ok, maybe not centuries but a long, long time.
Cinderella, Snow White, Thumbelina, Belle and so many others… all princesses that we read or watch movies about. The birds fly around them and animals come out of the forest to be in their presence. There are butterflies, zebras and moon beams. And, of course, there is usually a prince.
These are considered stories of fantasy. But is it really fantasy? Can we not be the princess in our own fairy tale?
I recently stopped and noticed how these things that seem to only happen to storybook princesses actually happen in my life. I stopped to see the moon, and think that it is shining just for me. Perhaps not, but something made me stop and savor in the moon beams as if it was for my eyes only. Look around, birds flitting about, bees in the flowers, the shiny outlines of the sun behind the clouds, a rainbow all for you to see. Look at the people in your life who are dutiful coachman to you, as the mice were to Cinderella. Could we all be princesses if we take the time to notice the magic that happens every day and think, “Wow, is this just for me?” Could we all be princesses if we would say to ourselves, “I am worthy, I am loved?”
And like any good tale, there will always be poison apples, wicked witches and trolls under a bridge. These people and things bring gifts to us in the form of a lesson. Scared of lions, tigers or bears? Dig down and you will find courage. Evil step sisters full of greed and selfishness teach us about grace. The ugly beast gives us the opportunity to love unconditionally and look at the heart of another.
Try it! Take time today to look, I mean really look. Be aware of the simplest of things in your day to day life and think that the fairy god mothers, genies, and wizards put these things in your path just for you. You are a princess, beautiful and loved in your own light. I think you will be amazed at the wonderful magic that surrounds each of us every day.
Now if you will excuse me I have to go out and feed my unicorn….
Limitations, oh limitations where art thou?
Just the other day on a flight home from Trinidad I watched a movie with Vince Vaughn. It was the movie about Google and his character said, “If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.”
I immediately began to birth this blog. I have been struggling with some of the language around Gender Violence and I have been struggling with the impatience I feel when people say things like:
It will always be like this.
That’s just the way it is.
How are we going to fix what has always been broken?
In the vernacular of Trinidad, it’s “Whah yuh go do?”
It’s pronounced as one word, “Whahyuhgodo?”
It is usually followed by a shrug and a laugh that means it’s too hard to tackle or a sucking of the teeth. (Which means the speaker is quite done with the conversation.)
I have a HUGE problem with the “whahyuhgodo” attitude!
The line in the movie, “If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them” made me realize why.
When we give up the fight to make things better, we fight for the limits and we put limits on our dreams for humanity.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we can fix all the ills of humanity but when is it a good time to give up?
Should we give up when we are…
Rich enough?
Old enough?
Young enough?
Poor enough?
What’s the best time to give up the fight for a better way to treat our fellow humans?
Gender violence does not just hurt the women and girls.
Sons see their mothers being pummeled and broken.
Sons hear their sisters and mothers cowering and crying and feel helpless.
Sons are also attacked and made to feel broken.
Often children who are witnessing the violence are told NOT to help or the mother will be worse off.
Often the mother implores the children to “go back to sleep” even as she is fighting for her life.
Children are not stupid.
They know that their house is a war zone.
They know that neighbors know their house is a war zone and they see NO one trying to help them.
Can we STOP fighting for our limitations?
Can we begin to live each day a little brighter than the last?
Can we begin to HOLD dear the possibility that limitations are a coward’s way through tough times?
I do not want to live the life of a coward.
I want to live brave and strong and hopeful and for that I need to identify my limitations. I need to keep trying to find a better way into a world that is free from Gender Violence.
We owe it to every single child, boys as well as girls.
Let them grow up in houses full of love and hope.
Let them have limitations like which new planet to inhabit, not the limitation of wondering if Mom will be “sick” today and who will help with dinner and homework.
Love and light,
Indrani