Monthly Archives: January 2013

When a LADY says NO….

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The lady said NO.
She said NO to 15 other designers.
She said NO to lots of unknowns.
She said YES to HERSELF.

She is Michelle Obama.

She dressed herself so that she could feel her best.
I want to believe that NONE of the dresses had the names of the designers attached.
I want to believe that she picked on the grounds that made her the happiest.
Why?
Because there is always someone ready to say… (And they did):
“She should’ve given someone else a chance…”
“She should have been more aware of launching someone else…”

I am GLAD Mrs. Obama was strong enough to say YES to the DRESS that made her GLOW!!

What permission did Michelle give to women everywhere?
Choose for YOURSELF!
Do not be influenced by the hallowed pundits or the voices that would have you tow a certain line of action.
CHOOSE the best thing for you!
Choose with strength and softness and LOVE of yourself!

Michelle Obama… You were on FIRE in the RED Jason Wu, and I am sure you knew that you floated into that ball on a cloud of modern feminism.

The modern feminism that allows women to:
Choose for themselves.
Choose what they want in their lives….especially when the whole world is looking at them!

We can take a page from her book and make choices that show self respect and self love and do it with grace and humility.
Love, light and Choices!

Indrani

Spit in my face? What does that mean?!

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When you spit in my face…what does that mean?ashamed-woman via zawaj.com

A few weeks ago, I saw a man spit in a woman’s face.
He straightened up and spit, aiming right for her face.
She was stunned.
She froze and she looked like a deer in the head lights.

What was he trying to communicate?
What words would he have chosen if he had chosen to speak words instead?
What could he have been thinking when he CHOSE to spit in her face?

Will she choose to go back to him?
Will she choose to forget her humiliation and her embarrassment?
Will her friends and family make her feel like she should put it behind her?
Will she succumb to the voices that say it may have been her fault?
Will people expect her to explain her behaviors?

What else might he do?
What other insults has she or will she suffer?
When is it enough?!

What have you been exposed to that has made you feel like this woman?
When will enough be enough?

Who can decide?
ONLY YOU.
Only YOU.

Love and light
Indrani

Fair fight…..if only!

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Fair fight…..if only!women-working-out1 via blog.itriagehealth

Yes, if only all of our fights could be fair and above the belt.
That’s so hard to do though, isn’t it?

We feel attacked and we strike back.
It’s that old fight or flight, right?
I can either run away or I can slam you right back.

Are there other choices?

There are other choices….but only for those who REALLY want to change.
There are other choices….but only for those who understand that they can only change themselves.
There are other choices….but only if you intend to invest the time to build a new muscle.

Have you ever gone to a gym and started a weight training program?
Did you start with the MOST weight on the rack?
If you did, did it work out for you?
I hope that you started out with smaller weights, even 3 lbs…especially for the small muscles like the triceps.
The small muscles fatigue a lot quicker than the larger thigh or butt muscles.

Let’s expand this triceps training metaphor to your resolve to fight fair.
When you start, the resolve is small and you can only hold the fight fair tenets for a short time. Then you fall back into the old habits that you have down pat.
You lob name for name, insult for insult and then you choose your partners weakest spot and WHAM! Then one of you falls first, and the other feels vindicated.
If you were to verbalize what the original fight was about you might not even remember.
Your head would be filled with “well she said my mother is horrible” or “how dare he say that I am a bitch?”

The list is endless.

The real issue is again buried under the rubble from this most recent battle.

So do you give up?
If you do what will happen?
Things will not change.
You will feel the same way next week, next month and next year about the things that irritate you today.

How then do you withstand the emotional onslaught without striking back?
It is as simple as a DECISION to STOP the WAR!
I mean STOP contributing to the war.
I mean stop the lobbying of the insults.
I mean SHUT UP!
I mean to walk out of the room.
I mean to withdraw your emotional investment from the fight at hand.
I also mean to STOP pretending that anyone is actually winning!

The pretense that there is actually a winner in all this personal rancor and nastiness is epic!
Epic Pretense is pretending that nasty will get your loved ones to:
1. Love you the way you want
2. Give you compliments
3. Clean up their mess
4. Do whatever you say they should do.

When is the best time to start these new action items?

Well, it would be great if you (the warring parties) could have a peaceful conversation when there is nothing “hot” going on.
Then together you can decide on some ground rules.
If there is no chance for a peaceful conversation, then YOU have to take the high road and begin to implement the peace treaty by yourself.
How can that look?
You can tell yourself that you will not accept name calling. If it happens you will leave the room.
You can also decide that cursing is not allowed in your home and if it happens you will leave the room.
These changes will not be magically manifested…you will have to work at it (like starting with the 3 lb weights during a tricep exercise). You will tire easily, but keep it up.
Slowly you will see that changes are occurring and then you will have to take a deeper look at what it all means for the rest of life.

There is a lot of work that goes into lifting 3lbs with your triceps to being able to lift 35lbs. It is possible, but only with consistent training and proper care of your whole body.
Likewise, it is possible to stop being at war with each other, but only if it is something you really want. You must want it as surely as you want a plentiful supply of oxygen and clean water.
Oxygen and water are essential to living.
Fighting fair is essential to a LIFE worth living!

Love and light,
Indrani

Our New Year Gift to you….

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Our New Year Gift to you is this delicious recording of our January Chat n Chai with Suzanne Falter.gift-box via mint
Suzanne is a transformational master and has honed the fine art of allowing flow to guide her business and personal lives.
Suzanne is a woman of wisdom and depth and in this recording she shares some very personal stories of her darling daughter Teal, who passed away suddenly in 2012.
She gives us a new model for grief and love.

Enjoy this recording and feel free to share it with anyone who could benefit from it’s message.

http://indrani.audioacrobat.com/download/suzanne-falter-chatnchai-1-2013.mp3

 

Click here to sign-up for Chat n Chai if you would like to receive information about our future monthly calls.

 

And here are some lovely sound bytes from this call with Suzanne Falter….my BIG take-aways:

  • “what the heck I’ll just make a right hand turn”… is how she was led to this place
  • Does not MATTER how big a community is… find your niche and serve your market.
  • “ When you see a fork in the road, take it… follow the flow.”
  • “ all this work, is a result of what my spiritual path is asking me to do at any one time” Suzanne tells us how her life events, including the death of her daughter Teal, put her into a new layer of spiritual connection.
  • “It is all life and flow, it is all the same.”
  • Platform is THE THING YOU ARE KNOWN FOR.  You do not have to have a business, you must stand for something.
  • “Taking people by the hand, show options from a grounded business place… a business path.”
  • The platform of an abused woman to step into the divine essence that she was born with.
  • The way we choose to live in the world, the words we choose to speak, what will you remember about me tomorrow… that is my platform.
  • Let women speak freely around cooking a pot of tea from an empowered place, teaching their truth.

I do hope you enjoy….
Love and Light
Indrani

Join the rising….

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Want to hear a horrifying statistic? One out of every three women will be beaten or raped in her lifetime. That’s ONE BILLION mothers, sisters, daughters and friends…..violated.

We at ILF refuse to stand by in stillness and silence. Will you RISE, STRIKE AND DANCE with us and ONE BILLION others on February 14th, 2013?

Visit the following link to JOIN A RISING in your area, START A RISING or SHARE your plans to rise.

http://www.onebillionrising.org/page/event/search_simple

Cleaning MY side of the street…

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Cleaning MY side of the street..

I have been given an amazing opportunity to clean up some “stuff”.
Relational “stuff”… the kind that is easier to let fester and rot and stay away from. The kind that is easy to not think about…the kind that makes it easy to keep myself busy with other “stuff”.
I am one lucky woman!

In speaking to a mentor about how to clean up my side of the street and how to find the mess that I contributed…I began to see how it is easy to avoid personal responsibility for the “stuff” of life. My mentor allowed me to speak at length about the whole dang thing and then he asked simple questions?

How was that your business?
When did you begin to move in fear?
Did you know that as soon as fear appears, trust and love disappears?

WOW…I intellectually knew all of this, of course, but to suspend judgment of self and others and to bear witness to my process was
fascinating. I could “see” myself doing the dance, saying the words, feeling the emotions. I saw it all, EXCEPT the fear.
The fear crept in, got comfy and seduced me with “I know what’s best here, leave it up to me.” I listened, I allowed fear to speak AND I was not aware of it.

It all boils down to this…I was not aware that I was in the state of vulnerability.

I was scared and vulnerable and confused and yes, afraid.

One of the biggest gifts we can give to ourselves is to have a partner to converse with….to help us keep things in check. Playing the same tape in our own heads just means that the record is stuck and making a deeper RUT. The neuro-pathway is getting more deeply etched and we can never get any more clarity without bringing some fresh, qualified thoughts to the situation.

If you have a relationship that is in jeopardy, then you have to clean up YOUR side of the street.
Their side of the street is their business.
Put on your overalls and your work boots and maybe even some gloves (not boxing gloves) because you may get dirtier before you get any cleaner.

This is not recommended if you expect to be fault free.

Happy cleaning!

Love and light,

Indrani

In the darkest hours…you must love yourself.

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In the darkest hours…you must love yourself.

When you have convinced yourself (or have been convinced by someone else) that you are:
Not worthy
Stupid
Ignorant
Ugly
Frigid
Barren
Undeserving of love

The list goes on…

You MUST find something in you that you like.

Perhaps you like your:
Smile
Laugh
Skin
Inner strength
Compassionate nature

This list can go on also.

You must focus on one or a few positives and drive all of the rest from your mind and heart.
Write in a journal about your past successes or people who still love you.
Find a few things to be grateful for and write them down.

These simple actions will help you to see some light through the darkness.
Trust me, it works.

Love and light,
Indrani

Daily kick start for your brain…

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Daily kick start for your brain…

I usually write in my gratitude journal right before bed but last night I came home late and was extremely tired. I decided to go to bed and I promised myself that I would write the entries when I woke up the next day. So here I am at the kitchen counter, the house is silent and my coffee is warm and welcoming.

I do a quick scan to remember the main things that I was grateful for from the day before and I easily access a few nice memories.
I wrote them down; happy to keep the promise I made to myself for completing my list.
Then, I pause and I scan my brain again and KAPOW!
All of the other things that I was grateful for all downloaded at once and my brain said “HELLO!”

It was a fascinating experience.
I wrote down all the items that I wanted to capture and then realized that something had shifted internally.
I woke up joyful… so that was not what had shifted.
I woke up grateful…so that was not what had shifted.
I woke up ready to exercise…so that was not what had shifted.

I sat back for a few breaths and finally realized what it was that had shifted.

I seemed to have been filled with hopeful expectation for this new day and wondered in a flash what great things were about to unfold.

Hopeful expectation for this new day!
Can any start to any new day be ANY sweeter?
I think not.
There were so many days in my past when I woke up with trepidation, angst and fear for what the new day would bring. I scoured my world for all the BAD things that would go wrong… and I would find each and every one of them. I found horrible things around every corner, just sitting for me…waiting to be discovered.
I painted my life with all the pain and the heartache I could find.
I coated myself with every single bad memory and bad experience I ever had.
I was miserable.
I could NOT enjoy the positives right before me.
I did not have the training to see the positives in my life.
It was this daily dose of dissatisfaction that finally brought me to me knees and the pain finally got large enough for me to seek help.

Help came in the form of:
1. Intense exercise that lead me to training for my triathlon.
2. Consistent meetings with an amazing therapist.
3. A decision to put the love I felt for my children at the beginning and end of every day and as bookends to everything I did for them during the day.
4. A decision to speak differently to my children. I spoke more softly and kindly. I treated them as the precious gifts they were.
5. I began to fully comprehend the short amount of time I had here on earth with the folks that I loved.

Yes, I did all these things simultaneously. I began to develop the skill of pushing the negatives out of my zoom lens of life and began to zoom in on the good that was all around me.

Now, I have the ability to scan my brain for great memories and they are immediately delivered into my conscious mind.

This is a life affirming skill.
I invite you to try it.
It is not easy but mastery will save your life.

Where should you start?
Go for a daily walk…even if it’s just for 10 minutes. Leave your cell phone at home and just walk. Notice the glory of nature along the way…even if you are in a city.
Even in a city you can hear and see birds and notice weeds popping up between the slabs of concrete.
Look for the messages that say, “You are here…and here is a good place to be.”

Please give this a try. You will be happy you did.

Love and light,
Indrani