Tag Archives: love others

Make my day….compliment me!

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Laughing-woman via venusbuzz

Do you remember the movie with the bad guy saying “make my day”?

I think it may have been Clint Eastwood.

It just occurred to me the other day that a simple compliment or soft and genuine smile can make everyone’s day.

I saw a little boy today sitting with his Dad and next to him was a hat he had made. The hat was covered with glitter, stickers and red, white and blue pom-poms. I complimented him and he beamed up at me and let me try it on!

He made my day!

How can you make someone else’s day today?

 

Love and light,

Indrani

I am an ass….

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mule

I was thinking about the people in my life who I do not believe carry their own weight and me doing more than my fair share of work, carrying the burdens.

I instantly had an image of myself as a pack mule….a big, strong mule able to carry my weight and twice that on my back.

Then I thought about all the other mules.  These mules are not as strong. Some have other skills besides hauling stuff, some are younger, some older.  They are not carrying the load I feel I am carrying. I became almost blinded by anger and resentment because they are not doing the work load I believe they should be doing.

AND at the end of the day all of us mules are getting the same amount of food!

WAIT!!!
But I carried the most weight! I did my best work!

And then it hit me.  The other mules, they did their best work too.
Ooooh….

That single thought took away my anger and resentment.

I may not be happy that the other mules did not carry the same amount of weight as me, but I was given the amount of weight because I could carry it.
They were given what they could carry, and no it won’t always be equal.
Perhaps they could have carried the load better with proper attention, guidance and training….but they did the best they could.

Now, I feel like an ass…

Next time I am quick to judge on a job or task that is done, I will ask myself…did that person to the best job they are able to?

And if they didn’t… well, there will be another lesson in that I am sure.

Hee Haaww

The Alchemy of Friendship

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cafe4 via linayforma

A few months ago, I was fortunate enough to spend about 5 days with a friend. Just us two! We worked side by side, we checked in with each other, we had meals together and we walked around NY together. It was easy, fun, light and sweet!

It had been so long that I had felt such peace of mind with someone that it made my knees weak, my heart smile and my life expansive.

As I age I have been fortunate enough to meet some like-minded people with whom I can connect on a soul level and speak about the deeper issues of life.
Their love of and for me changes me in a positive and powerful way.
My love and acceptance of them changes me in much the same way.
We are social beings!
We run in packs!
We need our posses!

We cannot allow ourselves to be isolated from our fellow humans and we cannot fool ourselves into thinking that we a solitary creatures.
When you feel you are being disconnected from yourself it may be because you have been disconnected from others.
To see your goodness reflected in the eyes of a friend affirms your self-worth. It makes small moments LARGE. It makes little things BIG and it fills you with warmth and contentment.
If you have isolated yourself over the course of a few weeks, months or a lifetime, it is time for reinsertion.
Find like- minded people and form a group that meets regularly.
Your family can do without you a few nights a week!
If you don’t have a family, better yet, make a new family of like-minded people.
Get your gang together.
Have coffee and cake.

Last year I was in Sweden and they have a thing they call Fika.
It is when friends get together for coffee and cake!
Imagine….it is so ingrained that there is a word that means “Celebrate friendship.”
Go have a Fika with a new friend.

Love and light,
Indrani

My Emotional Palette…I make great vignettes!

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excited_woman via bestofyoutoday.comWhen I was growing up in Trinidad, I was repeatedly told that I was “too emotional”. I have struggled with that label for most of my adult life and certainly felt the weight of non-acceptance the whole of my childhood. Heck, why would I expect others to accept me as an adult when I was not even ready to accept my OWN self. It has ONLY been in the past 10 years that I have begun to fully embrace who and what I am.

Who am I?

I am an emotional creature.
I am a creature with MANY different emotions.
I love my emotions…they serve to protect me.

What am I?

I am a woman who is PROUD to paint with her emotions.

I paint pictures and vignettes that work for me.
I am a woman whose emotional palette is too vast to be contained in any one closet of feelings.

I need several and they are all different styles and designs.
I am all in!

Wow, Indrani, you sound kind of boastful and egotistical and kind of scary!

Ummmm, yes it may sound like that and look like that, AND that too is OK with MOI!
You see, those perceptions belong to others, not me!
I am finally ok with ME and I am also ok with you not really liking me.

I sure hope that you like YOU though!
I have given myself permission to shriek in delight, to guffaw out loud and to cry when I want to.

I can feel frustration and disappointment and NOT turn it into anger.

I can feel somber or elated or frightened or thigh slapping loud, AND they are all ok!

I can be quiet when I choose, talk a mile a minute when the mood strikes and love others as much as I now love myself.

I can do all these things without requiring permission from anyone.
I have finally given myself permission to inhabit all the colors of my emotional palette.

Have you given yourself permission to use all of your emotions?

Love and light,
Indrani

Hello friend, I honor your internal war….

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woman-meditating via meditationindarlington.orgEmerson,
“Whenever you meet anyone, remember they are going through a great war”.

If we could only keep this statement in mind when we rush to judge people.

We interact, draw conclusions and we act as if those conclusions were actual fact.
We create arguments around the made up facts.
We play judge and jury based on these fictional arguments.
We, unfortunately, even forget that we have our own internal war.
What could happen if we stepped out of concluding about others behaviors and stepped into the humanity that surrounds us all?
What could happen if we thought the best of people instead of the worst?
What could happen if….
The “what could happen” list is endless.

Here is the best what could happen question….

What could happen if you decided to be the best YOU and leave everything else on the table?

What a sweet world that would be.
Do we dare IMAGINE?

John Lennon had it right alright, “IMAGINE”!
Please, let’s imagine.

 

Love and light,
Indrani

Lessons from Olga…..

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She wouldn’t accept my offer of a bracelet.
She wouldn’t let me make a crown for her.
She refused to come closer.
She was one of the 200 or so students in one of the orphanages that my clown group visited.

There I was sitting on a step, making crowns from pipe cleaners.  The kids were lined up for their crowns….girls, boys, small, big, some young and some older.

I am not sure when she decided to come closer, but there she was and ready for a crown.
I crafted her crown carefully and with an extra dose of gratitude for trusting that I would not harm her.

When the pipe cleaners were finished, I started making beaded bracelets for everyone. I made hers first and she carefully selected her beads from the small baggies that sat precipitously on my lap. As the kids realized that something new was being given, they quickly swarmed and began demanding their bracelet. She became my helper and as kids requested the color of beads, “rojo, verde, azul, blanco”. She quietly and efficiently fished the correct bead from the baggie and gave it to me to thread on the multi-colored string.

I hugged her and said, “Adios” and thanked her for her help. She smiled and her eyes twinkled.

The magic of this connection was that she did not know if she cared to connect or even if she trusted me. I did not base my success that morning on whether or not she would accept my gifts. I was there, loving and giving without thought as to what her role should or ought to be.

Should she be grateful that I had come all the way from America to visit that orphanage?
Should she care that I had spent money on these pipe cleaners and the baggie of beads?
No!
Her only job was to be herself.
My job was to be loving and present and joyful.
We both did our jobs well.

Now if only I can remember to practice this giving of myself in a pure and unattached way. A way that says, I am here for you, if you’d like to come closer.
A way that allows me to KNOW that chasing you or begging you or demanding of you to be a certain way is just unacceptable.
A way that tells me you are responsible for whom and what you accept from me.
A way that shows me to stay true to me and allow you to stay true to you and hope that in our separate trueness we can still share love, peace and harmony.

Thanks Olga, for these big lessons.
I will hold your smile in my heart forever.
May you be well.
May you be happy.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be free.

Love and light,
Indrani

Anatomy of Disappointment…..

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What happens to us when we feel disappointed? We know that we feel let down or ignored or invisible, and a host of many other feelings….but WHY?waiting via thinkstock
What causes me to feel so let down?
Something quite disappointing happened to me a few weeks ago and in the midst of a tsunami of feelings, I kept asking myself….
What is my lesson here?
I have to admit that I am sometimes sick of the lessons. Just when I think everything is fine, WHAM…another damn lesson!

Disappointment is usually a surprise. If it is not a surprise and you are expecting to be disappointed, that is a habitual way of living. If we are in relationships where we are usually disappointed, then that is more about the choices we are making, as opposed to what the other people are doing.

Let me break it down like this.
Let’s say that I make frequent lunch dates with Jackie and she is ALWAYS late and I am always disappointed. Why do I continue to make lunch dates with Jackie?
Maybe I need to ask Jackie if lunchtime is bad for her and decide on a better time.
Maybe Jackie really likes me and really wants to meet with me, but is afraid to suggest another time because she thinks I am super busy.
It is incumbent upon me to have a real conversation with Jackie so we can set up better times to meet.
If, however, Jackie laughs and tells me she is always late, then we have another issue.
I have had people tell me that they are always late and they laugh it off. I usually say that I find it rude and selfish for people to think that being late is “just the way it is.”

Disappointment is part of life and it is up to us to handle the everyday disappointments with finesse and humanity. We have to be able to forgive and get on with what’s important. If the disappointments keep piling on and they are from the same people, then you have to have a “powwow” to find out the root cause.

If you do nothing, nothing will change.
We are in charge of our lives and we teach people how to treat us.

Love & light,

Indrani

Fair fight…..if only!

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Fair fight…..if only!women-working-out1 via blog.itriagehealth

Yes, if only all of our fights could be fair and above the belt.
That’s so hard to do though, isn’t it?

We feel attacked and we strike back.
It’s that old fight or flight, right?
I can either run away or I can slam you right back.

Are there other choices?

There are other choices….but only for those who REALLY want to change.
There are other choices….but only for those who understand that they can only change themselves.
There are other choices….but only if you intend to invest the time to build a new muscle.

Have you ever gone to a gym and started a weight training program?
Did you start with the MOST weight on the rack?
If you did, did it work out for you?
I hope that you started out with smaller weights, even 3 lbs…especially for the small muscles like the triceps.
The small muscles fatigue a lot quicker than the larger thigh or butt muscles.

Let’s expand this triceps training metaphor to your resolve to fight fair.
When you start, the resolve is small and you can only hold the fight fair tenets for a short time. Then you fall back into the old habits that you have down pat.
You lob name for name, insult for insult and then you choose your partners weakest spot and WHAM! Then one of you falls first, and the other feels vindicated.
If you were to verbalize what the original fight was about you might not even remember.
Your head would be filled with “well she said my mother is horrible” or “how dare he say that I am a bitch?”

The list is endless.

The real issue is again buried under the rubble from this most recent battle.

So do you give up?
If you do what will happen?
Things will not change.
You will feel the same way next week, next month and next year about the things that irritate you today.

How then do you withstand the emotional onslaught without striking back?
It is as simple as a DECISION to STOP the WAR!
I mean STOP contributing to the war.
I mean stop the lobbying of the insults.
I mean SHUT UP!
I mean to walk out of the room.
I mean to withdraw your emotional investment from the fight at hand.
I also mean to STOP pretending that anyone is actually winning!

The pretense that there is actually a winner in all this personal rancor and nastiness is epic!
Epic Pretense is pretending that nasty will get your loved ones to:
1. Love you the way you want
2. Give you compliments
3. Clean up their mess
4. Do whatever you say they should do.

When is the best time to start these new action items?

Well, it would be great if you (the warring parties) could have a peaceful conversation when there is nothing “hot” going on.
Then together you can decide on some ground rules.
If there is no chance for a peaceful conversation, then YOU have to take the high road and begin to implement the peace treaty by yourself.
How can that look?
You can tell yourself that you will not accept name calling. If it happens you will leave the room.
You can also decide that cursing is not allowed in your home and if it happens you will leave the room.
These changes will not be magically manifested…you will have to work at it (like starting with the 3 lb weights during a tricep exercise). You will tire easily, but keep it up.
Slowly you will see that changes are occurring and then you will have to take a deeper look at what it all means for the rest of life.

There is a lot of work that goes into lifting 3lbs with your triceps to being able to lift 35lbs. It is possible, but only with consistent training and proper care of your whole body.
Likewise, it is possible to stop being at war with each other, but only if it is something you really want. You must want it as surely as you want a plentiful supply of oxygen and clean water.
Oxygen and water are essential to living.
Fighting fair is essential to a LIFE worth living!

Love and light,
Indrani

Teachers, your words have tremendous power…

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I just heard an 18 year old on THE VOICE whose singing made me smile.

What he said about is 8th grade teacher, however, made me cringe and weep.

She told him he would never amount to anything!

Blake Shelton said “SCREW HER!” Adam Levine asked “What’s her name?” The classy young man decided not to reveal the teacher’s identity and said “I do not want to do that”.

I hope she knows that she has LET DOWN her entire profession.

Why do some adults act like the children that they are supposed to be helping? An 8th grader may act up, be mouthy and whatever else… that is a rite of passage. He/she at least has an excuse….THEY ARE CHILDREN!

What excuses do the adults give themselves when they show these kids what adults are NOT.

For everyone who reads this, you probably have a memory of a teacher who was less than supportive. Take this moment to send light to that person as you pat yourself on your own back for having the courage to not give up.

If you did give up because of what some idiot teacher said, send them healing light and clothe yourself in light. You are bright and brilliant and you deserve all the success you desire.

Love & light,

Indrani

Take your OWN pulse…

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Have you ever embarked on a training regimen where you were required to stop every so often to take your pulse?
Why do you think the trainer or teacher makes you do this?
Well…it’s a heart health thing, right?

There are ranges of the pulse that are healthy and ranges that are not. When your pulse is too high it can be unsafe to continue whatever you are doing and you must STOP and rest…maybe even sit down for a while until the pulse levels off.

I believe that we also have an energetic pulse. The energetic pulse takes its cue from our surroundings and how we feel about what is going on around us. If I walk into a room and everyone is silent, they may be mad at each other or they may be in silent meditation. One feels different from the other. One environment feels cold and charged and the other feels calm and peaceful. If you grew up within a religion that teaches “meditation is a way to let the devil in” then you may be afraid to be in that space even though it is peaceful. On the other hand, if you grew up with chaos and screaming and ‘The Silent Treatment’ was always being doled out, it may feel familiar and comfortable and you may not even care about the coldness in the room.

Each one of us brings our own interpretation to every event we encounter. Our interpretations have been informed by our past experiences, and they in turn, inform our assessments of the situation.

We must learn to take our energy pulse and ask ourselves what we are feeling, where we are feeling and how these feelings are playing a role in the situation.

Let me give you a simple example:
I walk into a room and someone is there. They are reading and they look up and nod their head.
I can interpret that many ways.
I can feel ignored that they did not say hi.
I can feel good that they nodded and recognized me.
I can be upset that they did not jump off the sofa and embrace me.
I can be grateful that they are giving me space to calm down after a long day.

All of the above are possibilities. How I decide what to feel is based on my past experience.
If I grew up with extroverts who were always hugging and chattering then the silence would seem odd to me and I might be upset. If I grew up with introverts, then I may feel quite comfortable and have no issue with it.

If we begin to take our own pulses and investigate what the energy means, we may be able to come to more peaceful interpretations of the circumstances we find ourselves in. We may just give ourselves a break and that could be really great for our hearts.

Love and light
Indrani