Category Archives: Podcast

Brighter Life Bit #21: Moving from shame to humiliation or embarrassment

ILF_Wtagline_LogoYou can listen to the original teaching at the 25 minute mark of the Class 3 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

In some situations you may not be able to replace your feelings of shame with guilt. In these moments, guilt may not be the appropriate emotion, but what about humiliation and embarrassment?

Humiliation is a feeling that stems from an experience that causes you to lose your prestige, standing, or self-respect. Humiliation says “I didn’t deserve this.”

Embarrassment is a feeling that stems from an experience that causes you to lose your composure, usually due to bad judgement or vulnerability. It is a more fleeting sense of discomfort. Embarrassment says “one day this will be funny.”

Shame says “I am bad
Guilt says “I have done something bad
Humiliation says “I didn’t deserve this
Embarrassment says “one day this will be funny

Using these four definitions:

  1. Think of a time when you have experienced shame.
  2. Ask yourself: Which definition (guilt, humiliation, embarrassment) do I choose to replace shame with?
  3. How are you different once you reframe the shame you felt?

You can choose to not feel shame. If, instead, you can live these definitions in life you can choose what you feel and choose a better description.

Share your experience with shifting from shame to guilt, humiliation, or embarrassment in the comments below:

Brighter Life Bit #20: Moving from shame to guilt

ILF_Wtagline_LogoYou can listen to the original teaching at the 25 minute mark of the Class 3 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

What if you are not actually experiencing shame?

Shame says “I am bad,” leading you to feeling powerless and invisible.

But what if what you are actually experiencing is guilt?

Guilt says “I have done something bad

This is a big difference. Shame makes you believe that you, as a person, are bad, while guilt shows the truth of the situation: you are a good person who has, at this certain point in time, done something bad.

Guilt can be a healthy emotion when used constructively to hold you accountable to the person you want to be. Guilt can guide you to see that you have done something bad, so you can make a commitment to not repeat the action.

Replacing shame with guilt, moving from “I am bad” to “I have done something bad” can guide you towards making positive change in your life.

In order to better understand guilt and how to replace shame with guilt you can:

  1. Write down some of your own reasons for feeling personal guilt.
  2. Write down times in your life when you have felt shame.
  3. Compare your “guilt list” to your “shame list.” Can you shift some of these shame experiences into guilt experiences?

What opens up for you as you make this shift from “I am bad” to “I have done something bad” Share your thoughts below:

Brighter Life Bit #19: Shame and expectations

ILF_Wtagline_LogoYou can listen to the original teaching at the 11 minute mark of the Class 3 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

In the last Brighter Life Bit you made a list of the different shame categories (the who, and what that cause you shame). The next question to ask is “why do these people and things cause me to feel shame?

The answer is: Expectations.

The expectations of who you are supposed to be and how you are supposed to be compared to who you want to be and how you want to be.

Look over the different people, events, and things that you wrote down as triggering your feelings of shame, and beside each write down the expectation you are supposed to meet for each of these triggers:

  • Body image – I need to look like the magazine model
  • Money – I need to make more than $X
  • Teachers- you need to get more than 70% to be successful
  • Family – you need to take care of us, not yourself

To understand your feelings of shame you need to name it, and recognize that you are experiencing shame. Speaking (or writing) these expectations into the world is a big step towards changing how shame affects your life.

You can bring your own shame triggers, and the underlying expectations into the world by sharing them with the ILF community in the comments below…

Brighter Life Bit #18: Who and What causes you to feel Shame?

ILF_Wtagline_LogoYou can listen to the original teaching at the 3 minute mark of the Class 3 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Brene Brown defines shame as:

“an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.”

Or, to put it even more succinctly:

“Shame says, ‘I am bad’.”

In what situations are you telling yourself “I am bad?”

What people in your life make you think “I am bad?”

Understanding the situations and people in your life that trigger thoughts of shame is an important step in building your shame resilience (we will discuss this more in the Class #4 Brighter Life Bits).

Take some time now to write out a list of the “what’s” and “who’s” that trigger feelings of “I am bad” in your life.

Then, you can share some of your list in the comments section below.

LABL 015: Surviving to Thriving with Keisha Gallegos

ILF_Wtagline_LogoWelcome to Episode #15 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!

In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani and Keisha Gallegos discuss:

  • living in survival mode
  • the importance of boundaries and self-determination
  • sitting with fear instead of pushing it away
  • believing and trusting in yourself
  • living and thriving
  • and much more

You can learn more about Keisha Gallegos at www.keishagallegos.com

Podcast Recording

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Brighter Life Bit #17: Practicing your “Yes! No. Yes?” – develop a habit

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 110 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Saying NO is never easy. At the start, using a Positive NO with your “Yes! No. Yes?” is not going to be easy either. Which is why you need to practice.

We suggest that you start with the easy NOs in your life and build up your skill with delivering a Positive NO before tackling the really big NOs you know you need to be saying. Start with saying NO:

  • on the phone when someone tries to sell you something
  • to the post office when they deliver junk mail
  • to a toleration in your home or office
  • an article of clothing you no longer need
  • a small request from a family member

In each situation remember to use your “Yes! No. Yes?” statement and have your Plan B ready to put into action.

We would love to hear more about your experience with delivering a Positive NO. You can share your experience in the comments below…

Brighter Life Bit #16: Plan B: What to say if your NO is not accepted

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 80 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Have you delivered you first “Yes! No. Yes?” to someone? If so, congratulations! Did they accept your NO?

If they didn’t, it is time to move on to Plan B.

Plan B is a second, or back up plan that addresses your core interest and supports your original Yes! that is not dependent on the other person being involved. Plan B is not retaliation, not anger, and not a threat, Plan B is what you are going to do ANYWAYS when the other person doesn’t accept your no.

If you are clear on your Plan B, and ready to move on regardless of the other person accepting your NO, no one can stop you. Your Plan B allows you to stay true to your values and what you need without depending on the other person.

Before you make your next “Yes! No. Yes?” statement to someone in your life, make sure you have developed a Plan B that you can follow through with regardless of the response you get to your NO.

Writing down your Plan B can help make it more concrete, share your Plan B with the community in the comments below…

Brighter Life Bit #15: Discover your “Yes?” to follow up your NO

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 42 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

For today’s lesson think of an example in your life where you have been accommodating, attacking, or avoiding instead of saying NO. Focus on this scenario, and do the following:

  1. Identify the value you want to say “Yes!” to.
  2. Ask yourself “How does saying NO serve and support this Yes! ?”
  3. With your Yes! in mind imagine saying NO to the person.
  4. Now share you second “Yes?” with this person.

This second “Yes?” is a new option you offer to the person you just said no to. It is a plan that will work regardless of what the other person decides. It needs to be an option that you can follow through on without the other person having to agree with your NO. This “Yes?” is not a compromise, it is a solution that supports you and what is important to you.

(Make sure to listen to the recording to hear Indrani’s brownie example)

Think about your own example and write down a complete “Yes! No. Yes?” statement that you can use in your situation.

Brighter Life Bit #14: Troubleshooting your YES so you can say NO

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyYou can listen to the original teaching at the 31 minute mark of the Class 2 recording. You can download the audio from iTunes here or from the ILF website here.

Did discovering your “Yes” in the last Brighter Life Bit help you say NO?

If you still had trouble delivering your NO, we have some trouble shooting steps to help. If you have identified your “Yes” but are still struggling to say no ask yourself these questions:

  • What do I value, and want to protect, that is important enough to say NO to this request?
  • If I don’t say NO, what am I teaching/modeling to others and what effect is that having on them?
  • Why is the other person and their request more important than what I value?
  • What if I am just as important as other people?

After answering these questions revisit your “Yes” and see if it is now strong enough to support the NO you need to deliver in your situation.

LABL 014: Shame and Shame Resilience with Brene Brown

ILF_Wtagline_Logo copyWelcome to Episode #14 of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast!

In this episode of the Live a Brighter Life Podcast Indrani and Brené Brown discuss:

  • Shame and shame resilience
  • the difference between empathy and compassion
  • why relieving suffering can protect you
  • why it is important to model a healthy life to your children
  • why incongruent living is so exhausting
  • the link between expectations and shame
  • and so much more…

You can learn more about Brene Brown at www.brenebrown.com

Podcast Recording

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