The Frustration of Wasn’t

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I am not sure whose problem it is or if there are actually two problems in the tale of the Frustration of Wasn’t….

Today while walking in around the neighborhood I was feeling  resentful, thinking of old emotional wounds that have never really  healed properly.

I try hard to please others mainly because it also pleases me.  I like  to do things for others.  However there are times when my acts of  kindness and love are looked upon as what they weren’t.

For example, I gave a very thoughtful (in my opinion) and expensive gift to someone who said they loved it, however complained about the things it wasn’t.

I took the responsibility of doing some painting, updating a bathroom in my house, only to be criticized on what the project wasn’t.

And it is funny as I write this, that my husband who seems to only see the things for what they aren’t, weren’t or wasn’t, has a vision of  the glass being half empty. Which is not a great way to go through life.

Then I am frustrated and disappointed that my efforts fall short of  the mark in his eyes.

So the answer is, there are actually two problems in the tale of the Frustration of Wasn’t.  The first is his problem. I cannot change his view of things, I can only  be responsible for my own reaction.  The second is my problem. He is not responsible for my  feelings of diminished self worth.

Ironically, this type of frustration of wasn’t, wasn’t what I signed up for!

These united states of CONFUSION – PART 3

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If you missed parts 1 &2, here they are: Part 1 & Part 2 

This week we focus on the Ultimate Principle and the YOU Principle. Let’s just collapse it for this blog as your Ultimate You. The YOU you were created to be. The reason you were born.

Were you born to watch 5 or 6 hours of TV every night?

Were you born to do a job that robs you of your life source and drains you of every ounce of dignity?

Is the life you are living, the life you had hoped to live?

 

Who do you WISH you could be?

Try answering the following questions:

  • If no one would be upset at you, what would you LOVE to be doing with your life?
  • If you knew that you had only 3 months to live, what would you be doing differently?

 Take a moment to look at your answers and answer this next question:

  • If you could accomplish the above listed dreams, how would you feel?
  • What would your life look like?
  • Who would be in your life?
  • What clothing would you be wearing?
  • How would you KNOW that you were happy? In other words, what would you feel?

 

These are hard questions and the answers are quite elusive. I once asked the first question in a workshop and one of the answers was “I would run naked on the beach”. THAT is SO doable! But she would not give herself permission to do it because of the societal voices in her head that she was not pretty enough or skinny enough to run naked on the beach.

What do you wish you could give yourself permission to do?

 I invite you to at least write it down…what could it hurt?

Why not print out these 3 blogs on Confusion and keep it close at hand for easy reference.

The book takes you deeper into the process so here is where you can get it http://indranislight.org/products-page/product-category/the-indrani-principle-inhale-life-exhale-joy/.

 

Love and light

There is more to gratitude than being thankful.

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So much has been written and told of gratitude. Feeling full of gratitude myself, I turned to the dictionary to see what Merriam Webster had to say:

gratitude |ˈgratəˌt(y)oōd|
noun
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

Ah ha! “readiness to show appreciation for and return kindness”. We often are thankful, appreciative and grateful in our lives but do we return sincere kindness? If the kindness is not sincere then the fullness of gratitude is lessened.

So today, I am going to try to return the kindness for all things and people I have thankfulness for. Expand the dimension of gratitude just a bit further, expand on my return of kindness and reciprocation. I can only imagine that it would expand my heart and my place in the world.

I will let you know how it goes…

These united states of CONFUSION – PART 2

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If you missed last week’s Unites States of Confusion, here it is… 

Let’s take it from there, shall we?

The only way to get someplace other than where you are… Is first to KNOW that you want to make the journey. I want to journey from this confusion… It is suffocating here. I can barely breathe. My throat dries up when I try to speak my truth. My legs feel too heavy to move and I feel stuck. So clearly this is NO place to be…Even though these feelings are familiar, it is still not a safe place.

But what is the first step?

The first step is to be gentle with myself… Not beat myself up for landing here yet again… Shit happens…Quite frequently… So what?

No beat-up-of-self allowed!

The next step is to know which areas of my life need some care and to use the road map (the 8 principles) to map my way into a different space. These are in my book available at http://indranislight.org/products-page/

Let’s focus of my physical body. I have become quite lazy with my exercise and training. I have used all kinds of lame excuses and have allowed myself to gain weight and had to buy bigger clothing.

No beat-up-of-self allowed!

So I must start on a program of physical health.

How do I feel about getting so off course? Kinda crummy…But my INTUITION has been whispering in my ear to pay attention and to FOCUS more on self-care.

I hear my intuition by making time for silence, prayer, meditation. I also hear it by noticing how my body feels. INTUITION speaks with energy in our physical bodies and instead of labeling the feelings with words like Anxiety, Panic attacks, etc… Try just describing the physical sensations as if you did not know how to label them. That takes you out of the trance of the labels.

The intuitions lead me to register for another marathon… Now the event will determine what my PLAN looks like.

I must run/ walk 26.2 miles next March. My training program when worked backwards will have me starting at 2 or 3 miles a few times per week and gently increasing each week. My PLAN will also include yoga, strength training and weekly massage to help me recover from my workouts.

I started on the plan already and surprised myself by walking faster than I have in a few years and not being winded. I cannot change the plan because my body still has to be reintroduced to the regimen of training.

So what is your plan? How can you work it backwards so that you can begin to take baby steps? Why baby steps? If my marathon were in 2 months, I would be going crazy and I would already have failed. I know that I cannot get ready to 26.2 miles in 60 days. 6 months is my absolute limit. Your end goal and where you are now will determine the time you need to be successful.

Here’s another hint… State the goal and halve it. Now create a timeline and place the end goal at the end, then the half goal at the…you got it…the halfway mark. Half that again and place that at the quarter mark and half again at the eight mark. Now look at how much time you have from the start to the eighth mark and begin to create the small steps to get there. You may decide to shorten the overall time or to lengthen it, your steps will be your guide.

My marathon steps would look like this:

26.2 miles March 2012

13.1 miles December 2011

6.5 miles October 2011

3.2 miles September

2 miles now until September

Now I would work the daily schedule that has me running each of those long distances only once a week, the rest of the week is for endurance, speed work and other disciplines like yoga and Pilates.

Then you have to kick your FOCUS into action. Everything, and I do mean everything you do has to have your goal be the guide post. If, for instance, I need to swim every day and I choose hotels without pools when I travel, then I have lost my focus. Or if I have room for 3 pairs of shoes but no room for my running shoes, then I have lost focus. So my GOAL is my GUIDE.

This whole process is painted with the INTENTION and the PLANNING brush. The whole event, from beginning to end has to be in clear FOCUS and your Intention, your daily Planning principle all over it and is guided by your Intuition and your Intention. Every step you take solidifies your Intention to make your goal your reality.

This could mean that your ENVIRONMENT has to be tweaked, so you can accomplish this goal. If I have to do long runs on Sundays, I cannot go bar hoping on Saturday nights because I have to rest, hydrate with water not booze and eat right the night before. So I may have to give up some of my drinking buddies until my race is over.

The CREATION Principle, begs deeper question…WHY do you care? In other words, why do you want to see this thru? What will you gain? Who will lose if you lose focus?

For me the answers are quite clear. I will lose ME. I will LOSE ME! There is nothing more precious than ME and I will lose that.

So what am I creating?A more powerful and positive me!

Why? Because half of who I am or can become is not acceptable.  I will not settle for less than ALL that I am!

I was not born to live just half of my potential… I was created to live full out. I was created to live completely and to use all of my gifts. All day, every day.

The other Principles are the Ultimate and the You Principles and I will tell you more about those next week.

Come back won’t you?

What will you start today?

 

Love and light

Surrender

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Surrendering does not usually have positive connotations. Recently I had been traveling a lot, meetings, obligations, running here, running there. Just simply overwhelmed. I would lay in bed exhausted not able to even sleep well.

I decided to start looking at my obligations, my schedule to see what I could eliminate. I started thinking what would happen if I surrendered. Not give up, but give in. Give in to the my mind, body and spirit which needed time to rest, recharge, and be still.

If I kept my hectic schedule and burden load I would only be running myself down more.

What would others think if I postponed my appointments with them? I worried that they would think less of me.

What would my loved ones think if I chose to take time by myself and not rush home to them? I felt guilty wanting to indulge myself in rest and rejuvenation.

I decided to surrender to my body, mind and spirit to get the rest and develop the clarity needed.

Once I made the decision to surrender, to give in, the healing actually began at once.

What can you surrender to, that would be for your well being?

Being yoga vs. doing yoga

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People generally “do” yoga. They go to classes, take their place on their mats, and do the poses…they are dealing with the body. Which is one limb of yoga. It may be easy to do a back bend, balance in a tree pose or strike a warrior pose.

Being yoga is harder. It takes a strong and willing spirit to be patient, compassionate & understanding to yourself & others. It does not require a mat, or being at a class at a specific time.

It requires an open heart, a quiet mind and awareness.
There…is the work.

These united states of CONFUSION

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I find myself in one of the many STATES of CONFUSION.

In my piece of the world, these states can look like:

Lethargy

Over excitedness

Needing to shop

Wanting a drink… Real bad!

Needing to eat chocolate, or cake, or the whole loaf of bread

Deep sixing Self Care so that I become a wreck within a short while.

Well it’s been a few weeks and the Confusion persists. I have tried
many of the above coping mechanisms and must report that
THEY ARE NOT WORKING!

they are not working.

So what now?
Here is what I am not willing to do:

  • I will not become an alcoholic…that is just too big of a hole to crawl out of.
  • I will not eat myself out of house and home… Losing all that weight
  • I would gain would be an even deeper hole to crawl out of
  • I do not have the energy I used to have for over excitement… I get tired rather easily these days… Opps… there’s the lethargy!
  • BTW Lethargy is also out… I refuse to become the lazy slob I used to be before I found triathlons and marathons ( at 50 I transformed myself from a lazy slob and became a triathlete and marathoner).

So I will do what I know best… I will follow the simple steps I laid
out in my book, The Indrani Principle, Inhale Life Exhale Joy.

The system that I wrote about in my book, so many years ago, is one that I STUMBLED upon, while STUMBLING thru my life and challenges.

After morphing from couch potato extradordinaire to elite athlete and then to author, life coach, business owner yada yada yada, I find myself stumbling yet again. I seem to be tripping all over my decisions. I am accepting blame for all kinds of accusations. I am
even convincing myself that somehow I have not been ” good enough”.
AND THEN something glorious happened… I was yet again accused of something and I felt my eyes do some rapid fire blinking as if to say…

Wait!
What?

Then I woke up from the known trance of
“This TOO is your fault!”

Ummmm… nOOOOOOO…. I reject your hypothesis. I bear no fault here.

So let me quickly outline the formula that I stumbled upon, 8 simple principles… Simple does not mean easy.
U…Ultimate principle
I…Intuition principle
F…Focus principle
E… environment principle
I…Intention principle
C…Creation principle
P…Planning principle
Y…You principle.

Tune in next Saturday for a guided tour of how to use these simply powerful principles.

Until then… I will enjoy my current state of confusion, knowing well that there are some juicy lessons here for me. The bigger the
confusion the bigger the lesson.

 

Love and light from Indrani and her iPad!

(photo credit middleastpost.com)

Auntie Em, Auntie Em its a twister!

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I have been in a storm today. Projects whirling around, phone calls, feeling the tug of going in one direction, then another.

Have you ever had a day that seemed like a tornado? Stuff is flying around, work, family, responsibilities, just day to day life circling, flying…. Feeling manic watching debris flying not knowing where to start. But we need to remember in the middle of that tornado is calm.

So when we feel like we are in the middle of the storm, if we take a breath we will find the calm in our heart center we are seeking and can move on from there.

LOST

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I lost about 6 months’ worth of intellectual property. I had about 75 written blogs and classes and general musings in my notes on my iPad.

How did I lose it?

Here is the sad story:

I had a defunct email on my iPad and was deleting it to install my new email address (which BTW is: Indrani@indranislight.org) and when I hit delete, not only did the email go away but all my notes aligned with the email disappeared also.

I looked helplessly at the emptiness of my NOTES section. I could not even remember all the great stuff I had been writing over these 6 months. Even this blog is brand new but was supposed to be something else. I did not freak out, because it would have been no use. I did not yell or act ugly when the apple genius told me that there was nothing he could do. I recognized the truth when I heard it. It was just one of those things.

Is this the first time I have lost work? No. But it was the first time that I had lost this much work. I had to re-focus my energies and decide what to do next.

What was needed?

I needed a blog and soon.

What should I write?

There’s nothing as powerful as the present lessons to write about. In case you don’t think that this lesson can apply to you, let me give you some examples of stuff going up in smoke: You are counting on something happening in a certain order and out of the blue things change, like a vacation that gets cancelled, or you don’t get into the school of your choice, or your child decides that they are moving to another country and you don’t know how you’ll live without them… There are many ways to be lost.

You can bitch and moan or you can make a different plan. There are so many examples in life when stuff happens to good people, and I have no doubt that you are good people. I also have no doubt that you can use the brain in your head to come up with ways to cope.

The next best thing to do is to make a list of all that is still right with the world. This would look a lot like a gratitude list. Make the items as detailed as you can. It even helps to be grateful for that fact that you can remember that you are lost. What if you didn’t even know you were lost? That would look a little like dementia and that would be a little harder to fix.

So here are some of the items I AM grateful for:

I have use of my hands and can still type.

I still have a brain in my head that works pretty good and I can create new material.

I enjoy writing and have some readers who love to read what I have to say.

I did not lose my physical iPad.

I am sitting at the beginning of the last Harry Potter movie and writing this, while waiting for my baby girl with whom I have shared all the other HP movies. This just makes me all kinds of gratitude.

Do I still feel lost? Not so much anymore.

I have faith that I will create exactly what needs to be created at the right moment that it is necessary. In the meantime, I intend to just be grateful. Yep this is my plan.

Let me know what you can be grateful for.

Love and light from Indrani

Who is making you uncomfortable?

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Who looks you in the eye and says, “given your skills, you could do better…”

“You have enough leverage to really make a difference.”

“What would happen if you doubled the amount you donated?”

“Could you set aside the fear and go faster?”

“I know you’re holding back…”

It takes love and kindness and confidence to bring the truth to a friend you care about. If you’re insulating yourself from these conversations, who benefits?

-Seth Godin