Tag Archives: leaders

Men need to become better leaders…and as a man this is terrifying

I am sitting with a bunch of guys in a dressing room at the local hockey arena. Everyone is taking a break from a game of men’s floor hockey, drinking a few beers, and telling tall tales.

Then it begins…comments about the wives and women in our lives:

“I came home the other day and the house wasn’t even clean. What the hell is she doing all day while I am at work? Sitting around growing her ass or what”

“I told her I was coming here and it was blah blah blah, you never spend time with me. Of course I don’t, all you do is nag”

“Did you see that girl in the bar Thursday night….she had huge guns, they were amazing”

“I totally took her home, banged her, and showed her the door…”

And so it goes. Degenerating into inappropriate jokes and comments that no one in that room would say in public or outside of a room of a bunch of men drinking beer and kidding around.

Now, with my new realizations around Gender Based Violence, and the treatment of women, I need to stand up and say:

“Ummm….hey guys…this isn’t cool, you know. Aaaahhh…talking about your wives this way isn’t helping how your son sees women. That, ah.. that girl in the bar is someone’s daughter. Do you want someone talking about your daughter that way?”


Dumbfounded silence mixed with shock, and looks of “who the hell invited this guy?”


Jackson Katz, in the Ted Talk below, clearly explains why focusing on women when talking about gender based violence is wrong, and why this focus needs to shift to men, and what men are doing (and not doing about it). He also clearly explains that men need to become leaders around this topic, and that the true battle will be won, not in public, when we are openly defending women, but within the small groups of men where so much of this harmful talk continues in a “safe zone”.

I hear what Jackson is saying, and it terrifies me. I want to be this leader. I want to make sure my son’s view of women is healthy. I want to protect all the daughters out there. I want to help eliminate violence against women.

Writing for Indrani’s Light Foundation – check.

Helping train others to help women in shelters – check.

Speaking out about gender based violence in social media – check.

Share the message with local schools and other people – check.

Stand up, in the moment, in a group of guys, and call them on their bullshit statements.


That one I NEED to work on, and it isn’t going to be easy.

But I am going to try.

If you are a man, or have men in your life who could use help developing this leadership, and taking this plunge, share Jackson Katz’s video and let’s get started.

Link: http://www.ted.com/talks/jackson_katz_violence_against_women_it_s_a_men_s_issue?language=en#t-284753

Seek a Jedi Master…..


Young Luke Skywalker tells Yoda he seeks a Jedi Master to teach him exceptional devotion, balance of “the Force” and extraordinary combat skills.Yoda himself was a Jedi Master, although he may have not appeared to be a formidable warrior.

Yoda via starwars.wikia.comwikiYoda

I have tried, like so many others, to figure it all out on my own but I KNOW that, out there, there are teachers, guides and leaders who can teach us the skills and techniques on how to live a more enriched life.

I don’t know about you but I am a seeker.  I seek answers. I seek what is unknown to me.  I seek out Jedi Masters, and like Luke, some of the masters that I meet may not appear to be masters as I would have imagined.

This may not resonate with you but I have always known deep down that I have a greater purpose than just being here and doing the day-to-day thing.  As I have looked for my Jedi Masters, I have realized that the day-to-day living, depending on the steps I take each day, can lead me on a path to that purpose….resulting in a more fulfilling life and a more abundant life.

I have read many books, listened to many lectures and had many conversations with Jedi Masters and this is what I have learned;

  1. The problems we face in life are not unique.  Sure, we would like to think that we are the only person experiencing a certain life circumstance, but more than likely, there are others out there facing the same challenge.
  2. We are not alone.  Nothing we are going through says “you have to do this alone”. There are people who can walk with us and teach us.
  3. The situation is not forever.  It does not matter if you are going through a bad marriage, a bankruptcy, a child with an addiction….ALL of these situations and others are temporary.   You will get through it and you have the power to choose how you come out on the other side.  We can be the hero in our own story going through insurmountable odds and come out the other side a victor.


Consider yourself a Jedi student.

Find a master. You might find a coach, a therapist or a life group. It might be online, taught by webinar or by seminar.

Most importantly….practice. Luke Skywalker had the tools, the teachings and a light saber in hand but without practice he would have never been able to combat his enemies.

May the force be with you.