Tag Archives: being judged

Total recall…or false memories

black-blackandwhite-fun-grey-memories-favim-coThere is a new movie out called Total Recall. I have not seen it and this is not a commentary on that movie.

Rather, this is about what we remember and what we choose to forget.

I know for a fact that three people will have three different interpretations for any particular event. They may get the facts right, like who married whom, but their memories of the service and wedding will be different.

I am wondering if what I remember is really what happened or could I have been convinced that I remembered wrongly?
People are quick to interrupt us and tell us how “it really happened.” I have been witness to many a marital fight that was based on who remembered “correctly.”

How have my memories been changed/affected by what others tell me?

When a child reports abuse and is told that it did not take place, how do they reconcile the feedback vs. the facts. When someone tells you that you were “rude” such and such a time and you don’t remember it that way, what do you do with the information? When an abused woman tells her mother-in-law that she is being beaten, will the mother-in-law believe? And how will that change the intensity of the woman’s memory in the moment?

Do you ever doubt your own memories?
Have you ever been challenged on your memories and have you felt like you are losing your mind?
By this I mean, you really, with absolute clarity, recall some event, only to be set upon by others, hell bent on changing your mind.

I don’t mean the give and take that happens between good friends, or people teasing you. I mean the mean-spirited verbiage that can erupt when you least expect it. I believe that people attack our memories when the memory makes them uncomfortable. Of course, I have no empirical proof of this statement…it is simply an intuition that I have having lived for more than 58 years.

Will they try to talk us out of our memory if it was a favorable memory to them?

Do you ever talk people out of a memory they have of you?
What would you hear if you asked a TRUSTED friend about something you both experienced together?
Would you be surprised at what they remembered? Would you be happy or upset?

Would you think that they judged you?

Would you judge them or yourself based on their recollection?

I have found that memories are like water….they slip away quietly but leave evidence of having been there.
I am oftentimes surprised by the amount of time I waste trying to wrestle a memory from its hiding place.
When this happens, it usually means that I am trying to “build a case” to prove something in the present.
I have come to loathe “case building.”
I hate when I do it and I despise when someone does it to me.

So, the next time you remember something, ask yourself these helpful questions:

  1. Will this help me to navigate what’s happening in the present?
  2. Why do I feel the need to unearth this memory now? Will it be a joyful experience?
  3. If it will bring me pain, what can I learn from the pain that I haven’t already learned?

Life is but a series of memories…make sweet ones.


Love & light,


A Chameleon of the first order…


Do you have to be a different person to appease certain people? Have you ever experienced anxiety when visiting certain folks or when certain folks visit you? Have you chameleon via kaibara87 on Flickrever had to pretend to be something you are not?

Do you like who you are? Are you surrounded by people who truly appreciate who you are?

Make a short of list of people that you can be yourself around.
Over the course of the next few weeks, keep note of how often you see those people or how often you speak to them. (And I’m not talking on Facebook.)

Make another list of people with whom you feel squeezed and anxious and make note of how much time you spend with them.

The first list needs to be the people with whom you are hanging out with….and I mean investing time with them.
If people on the second list are at work and you feel stuck then ask yourself how you can create or craft different relationships with some of them or even one of them.
Often times, we think we know a person, but we really have no idea of whom or what they really are.
Can you find a way to go deeper into curiosity about someone on the second list?

There was a time in my life when the first list was almost non-existent and I longed for such people in my life. I longed for people with whom I could cry and laugh out loud and not be judged. I created intentions to attract such people into my life. I imagined what it would be like to feel supported and unconditionally loved and I sat in meditation and sent energy to those who wanted to find me. It took a while longer than I hoped but now I look at my first list of supportive friends and I break into a huge grin.

Just the other day, I had a day of deep sadness and grief. I called two people, not to come running, but just to listen to me….AND they came running!
I offer thanks to KW and JC for all their love and support. I needed you and you were there!
I am a lucky woman.

Dear reader,

You can have support as well. All you have to do is envision the type of people you want to be surrounded by and then become to others what you want to attract to yourself.

Love and light,