In his book The Power of a Positive NO, William Ury gives us these 3 strategies to help us form and deliver a NO that is supportive.
Ury tells us that we “cannot say a proper YES if we cannot say NO.”
When I first read that line, I had to really think about it.
This is what occurred to me…if I am NOT ALLOWED to say NO to you, then any request is really just an order from you.
If I have to obey my orders, why even put it in question form? Just say to me…
At least then I know what I am dealing with, dictators and tyrants.
It is my experience however, that few tyrants WANT to be seen as tyrants. They want to be seen as benevolent and caring. They really believe that all their demands and orders are for our own good. They may think of themselves as the parent and us as children and therefore need to be TOLD what to do and how to do it.
Here is an easy test. Think of someone in your life that you have not said NO to. They “ask” and you do, without any real choice in the matter.
Now flip the roles in your head. Are you allowed to tell them what to do and will they do it?
If, for instance, they say “This room is filthy, clean it up!” and you are expected to hop to it and clean it up, can you say the same, in the same voice? Will they hop to it and clean it up?
Please do not try this with an abuser!!!
William Ury says that we must:
1. Change what is not working… by learning to say NO
2. Protect what we hold dear to us…like not being a constant slave
3. Create the new way we want to live.
He informs us that by learning to say a Positive No, we will be able to make significant changes that support both our internal power and our external relationships.
I wish you list of energy to change, protect, and create the life you say you want.
Love and light