When you feel shamed or humiliated, who do you reach out to?  In our Live A Brighter Life curriculum, we teach a workshop called, “Shame Resilience.”  It’s so important that we learn how to recover from shame.

Reaching out is an important part of shame resiliency.  It requires that you choose sharing your story and creating change over separating and insulating yourself.  In doing so, connections are built and we start to see that we really are all the same.

It gives voice to the shame being felt, which in turn weakens the shame.  When you reach out you move from separating and insulating to sharing your story and creating change.
Separating and insulating means that there is an us and a “them.”  And we are not the same as “them.”  Separating and insulating allows you to believe that what is affecting others could never affect you, and what’s affecting you could never affect anyone else.  No one else has been through, seen or experienced what you have, or you will never go through, see or experience what someone else has.

To whom will you REACH OUT?

• Partner
• Parent
• Family member
• Religious community member
• Community member
• Teacher
• Coach
• Health professional

If you are struggling to be vulnerable, and unable to reach out to anyone, please let us help you.  Our Live A Brighter Life online workshop series is completely FREE, and it can be anonymous if you need to attend privately.  It’s worth every minute!  Isn’t it time to THRIVE is life, and not just SURVIVE?

Join us this summer for our 6-week Live A Brighter Life Online weekly workshop series starting Thursday, June 30th.  It’s that easy.  Click here for all of the details and a way to sign up.

With Love & Light,

Team ILF

Shame often brings us to such a diminished place that we can’t see our strengths or be objective about ourselves.  Shame corrodes the piece of us that believes we are capable of change.  It is often the source of destructive and damaging behavior.

So where do you go when you feel shame?

• Loss of self-worth (worthiness)
• Loss of empathy (numbing of self)
• Loss of connection with people
• Loss of connection with self (identity and values)

And shaming definitely does not work when we are trying to introduce positive change to people.

When the ILF Trainers are teaching the Live A Brighter Life workshops, the discussion around shame often leads to how much people say they shut themselves off from the world.  They enter “the vortex” of shame and cannot escape.  They are sucked down deep and eventually have to fight their way back up into the light of the world.

Why is shame so powerful?  How can we keep from letting shame take over our lives?

We can teach you some tools and coach you on some techniques to work through the shame before it takes you under.  Our Live A Brighter Life online workshop series is completely FREE, and it can be anonymous if you need to attend privately.  It’s worth every minute!  Isn’t it time to THRIVE is life, and not just SURVIVE?

Join us this summer for our 6-week Live A Brighter Life Online weekly workshop series starting Thursday, June 30th.  It’s that easy.  Click here for all of the details and a way to sign up.

The most powerful words to use in circumstances of abuse are “Stop” and “No.”  In our Live A Brighter Life workshops, we are teaching women in abusive situations HOW to say “No” to abuse.  Here are some examples we teach:

• You need to make yourself very clear. You may use other phrases such as “That’s not okay,” or, “That’s not appropriate,” or, “That’s enough,” or “It’s not okay for me.”  But whatever you say, make it perfectly clear that you want the abuse to stop immediately.
• If the abuser is unclear about exactly what you want stopped, then make it clear by saying it exactly.  For example, “Stop grabbing my arm,” or, “Stop blocking the doorway,” or “Do not hit me.”
• Putting up with physical or emotional abuse is a choice.  If you choose not to accept it then a clear and specific “No” is the first step to removing yourself from the abusive situation.

Do you have a good friend or confidant who you can talk to?  If so, here is a way you can practice saying “No” to your abuser….

• Ask your confidant if they can role play with you
• Now, practice clear statements, tone of voice, body language, etc.
• Ask for feedback.  Where can you improve?
• Keep practicing.  When you’re ready to speak your truth to your abuser, make sure your confidant is aware you will be acting upon your “Stop” and “No.”

(**NOTE: If you do not have a confidant to help you, practice these statements in the mirror at home).

Here are a few important things to remember while your preparing to speak your truth:

Go from a reactive approach to a proactive approach.

• Remember: anger can blind, fear can paralyze, and guilt can weaken.
• Don’t act with intense emotion but with clear purpose.
• If you need to, stop to collect your wits.
• You are allowed to take your time to recover and gain perspective
  by saying things like, “Give me a minute,” or “ Let’s take a break,”
  or “I need to think about it.”
• Then ask yourself why you want to say, “No.”
• Crystallize your “yes” – what matters and your intention.
• The real action of standing up for yourself takes place inside
  you before you say, “No.”
• You have a right to protect what matters to you.

How are you feeling after reading this blog?  Do you feel like to need more support around this?  Just to let you know, we are teaching our FREE 6-week online Live A Brighter Life Workshop series this summer, starting June 30th.  You can sign up HERE if you would like help from our ILF certified trainers.

With Love & Light,

Team ILF

In our Live A Brighter Life workshops, we teach a module called “Saying No.”  In the last blog we talked about some of the reasons why you are fearful about saying “No.”  (If you’d like to be taught some tools about HOW to say “no,” we have a 6-week online course starting in the summer. Click here for more information).

Once you learn and practice new techniques on HOW to say “No,” now you need to make sure you can manage the reaction you will receive from others, now that you’ve said the word “No.”  Here are the tools:

• Hold your ground
• Expect the other person’s stages of denial
• Take a DEEP breath (literally)
• Become the observer

The last tool, “become the observer,” means that you try to imagine you are observing this scenario on a stage.  You are a member of the audience watching yourself saying “No” to this person.  You can watch to see the tactics that this person will use.  As this is happening you can “name the game,” or tactic to yourself.  There are many games: flattery, bribery, threats, manipulation, personal attacks, guilt, shame, slippery slope, etc.

Can you say, “No?” If you need help, WE can help.  This is a FREE class you can attend in private, or face to face with us online.  Either way, we can offer you support and great tools to live a brighter life.  Click here to sign up!

Love & Light,

Team ILF

I had the great fortune to attend the Women Deliver Conference 2016 in Copenhagen from May 16-19, 2016.  The experience was life changing. I saw and met so many people working on the huge problems that face our world from child marriage to female mutilation to gender violence prevention.

I am very hopeful that the world can heal from these epidemics and that smart and dedicated people are working to solutions.  In my own way, I am also working globally and you can see all about my work here www.maverickcollective.org.

One of the more memorable events was when I met Hina Jilani, one of The Elders.  I had heard of this amazing group of people and never thought I would ever meet one of them, let alone in a small group.  Nelson Mandela created The Elders and said, “The Elders can speak freely and boldly, working both publicly and behind the scenes.  They will reach out to those who most need their help.  They will support courage where there is fear, foster agreement where there is conflict and inspire hope where there is despair.”

WOW!  Such an amazing mission.

So I became very jealous of THIS mission.

I want to be one of The Elders …. then I realized that I AM an Elder.  I am 62 years old, and that is certainly old enough to be an elder.  I can adopt the mission and work in ways that support the stated mission.  I may not be able to speak to heads of state, but I can speak to the people with whom I come into contact and I can attempt to create a culture of peace.
I can start within my own life, and seek to do no harm in action and word while accepting my humanness and forgiving myself when I inadvertently hurt another.

How can YOU, embody the mission of The Elders in your life?

Can you embody the tenants in your family?

Can you accept your own wisdom and begin to act and speak in ways that support humanity?

I hope to be able to report to you in the future about some of the projects that may come my way that will enable me to be an Elder in thought and spirit and behavior and word.

Love & Light,

Indrani Goradia