The Meaning of Love & Other Stuff…

Love by jmscottlMD, on flickrA few days ago I started a FB thread with a simple question – What do you consider the first day of the week?

25 People answered:

1.  21 said Monday 0.84%

2.  2 said Sunday 0.08%

3.  1 said Saturday 0.04%

4.  1 said None  0.04%

I would like for you to extrapolate those percentages to the numbers of people you have in your life and come up with some realistic numbers for yourself.

Now I would like you to ask this question: what does LOVE mean?

February 14 is a day when we are swamped with the Meaning of LOVE.

Red flowers… But only roses.

Diamonds… and if there are in a heart shape, well is that not just the cutest?

It can also mean surprising your lover with notes or rose petals on the bed or two people who probably hate baths to take a romantic bubble bath and hear violins and a Barry White voice in the background.

Now, when you take the time to realize that a certain percentage of those lovers will all have different answers…

Is there any wonder that “February 14th” is one of the MOST confusing days of the year?

What if your lover is the one to say “Saturday” and you have never heard of Saturday as the first day of the week, might you assume that they are crazy but certainly not crazy for you? Or maybe you can accept their “Saturday”, but damn it, you will have them saying “Monday” in no time because that was your answer.

This Valentine’s Day, try this one for size: try figuring out what it means to LOVE yourself and start to practice unconditional self love. It really is the only hope we have to understand why we do what we do and why we expect what we expect from others.

Would it not be so great if you could declare every day a day of self acceptance and then maybe we can accept others for their Mondays or Sundays or Saturdays and we would never question the veracity of their responses.

We would just celebrate differences and maybe then we would really understand about LOVE.

Just my two cents.

Happy Hallmark created Holiday!

Valentines by Spixey, on flickr

Are you mad with your significant other today because they did not TREAT YOU RIGHT?

Are you quite perplexed that person had the NERVE to NOT follow the created expectation of The Hallmark Created Holiday?

Do you usually see yourself as following rules that others create for the sole benefit of putting money into their pockets?

Am I being cynical? Kinda sorta. Please do not get me wrong, I love LOVE and I love to get and give gifts BUT I feel really bad for people who for one reason or another cannot get the HANG of what others expect.

Maybe those of you who Are angry and disappointed about that special someone, can take a moment to ask WHY you are so upset?

OMG

OLD WORLD vs YOUR WORLD… how to straddle both and not break!

Your world is a fine balance in the space between old cultural norms and new cultural norms. Not old cultural as in useless, but old as in ” the old country” and new as in “your adopted country”.

I have seen so many people who have moved here from someplace else and still try to live as though they were in their little village. They reject EVERYTHING American. They are afraid that their kids “FORGET’ where they came from so they make it almost impossible for their children to have normal friendships. They make it impossible for their children to find their own fine balance.

In the best of times, we all do a dance between what we want and what is expected of us by various people in our lives.

Recently I have met some women who have been brought to this country after marriage. All of these woman had arranged marriages. Their husbands went to the “old country” and married the best of the best. These women are highly educated, ambitious, courageous ( came to a new country away from their families) and eager to learn how to thrive in America.

What they did not know was that their husbands wanted to recreate an imagined old world village. In these villages, the daughters-in-law, never left the house. They prayed in the morning, then cooked ( new food every day) and then sat with folded hands and waited for the King to come home. Some of them even tried, they actually thought that they could “trick” themselves into becoming ancient and useless. They could not. As their powerful selves emerged, their husbands and in-laws absolutely lost their minds. They screamed, threatened, blamed, abused and even took their children and squirreled them away to a different country.

These women have had to dig deep and find strength and courage they did not know they possessed. Some of these men did not even renew their wives papers to be legal in this country and have left the women scrambling to find ways to stay here so they can be near their kids.

At this writing I know of 2 women who have had to leave their children behind because they could not a legal way to stay in their adopted country. Their hearts are broken!

These women are recreating themselves in their new country and doing it all alone. Is there a way to marry old and new? I think so, Yes, very definitely.

One of the first things that have to be addressed is “why did you leave your village and what did you hope to find in your new country?”

If you cannot answer these simple questions, then you will never know if and when you have found what you are looking for.

How can you tell what to keep and what to leave? Try a different combination from the old and the new. How about western clothes in a traditional ceremony?

Why do you do what you do? Does it bring JOY? Does it cement the pain?

Only YOU have the answers. Take some time to reflect on what  life you want to create. Find an ally and get some strength. If you do not then nothing will change.

Take a risk, your happiness is worth it!

Ten Tips for recognizing a shadow

ShadowsYou have a long list of SHOULDS

You cannot substitute choose for SHOULD

You long for some peace from the SHOULDS

You know what everyone expects of you

Your “EVERYBODY expects me to”…. Voice is very loud

You have forgotten what you used to dream about

You days are filled with everyone else’s priorities

You cry in secret and smile in public…If people knew what you were thinking they would be shocked

You wonder ” if this is all there is”

You are scared that your daughter will have this kind of life

You fear that your son will grow up to disrespect women