Tag Archives: teamwork

Building Better Families..Yes We Must

The architecture of a healthy mind, body and spirit is a mindful practice. It is not happenstance. It must be intentional. 
What steps must we take to carefully craft our best lives?

We can look to other areas of life for inspiration.
For example, Amsterdam has a brand new subway. It took decades of planning and it took 15 years of construction and teams of architects and engineering professionals from many disciplines. 

A TV spokesperson stated that one of the stations was built offsite and floated on a canal to be installed in its permanent home. It was floated under previous canals and other obstacles. They turned engineering on its head to create the new stations and new delivery systems. 

Imagine the brilliance of that particular decision! Architects had to dream it up and then prove to and convince their teams to accept the unlikely approach. 

Let’s imagine now deciding to create healthier lives for ourselves and our families.
Most of us will look at what we eat and when we exercise. Most of us will not look at what we say and how we behave and what steps we can take to create peace in our lives and in our homes. 

When architects and engineers and civil societies get together to create new physical spaces for populations, they all discuss how lives will improve when the project is complete. They have agreed upon goals. I am sure there are winners and losers in the final decision and still at the end of the day, everyone must accept the group’s decision. 

If we decide to live peaceful lives within our families, we must also have common goals. 
No one individual can make sustainable changes within families. Neither can we coax or bride people into compliance. Everyone in the family system must understand why changes are needed and what is to be gained from enacting such agreed upon changes. 

We need a team approach. 

As a team we need to decide on the goals we have and what resources we will devote to the changes. 

We need to keep checking our choices with how it lines up with what we set out to achieve. 

If we say we want to stop yelling and resorting to physical violence in our homes, we must find other options and teach the family team what new behaviors to enact. We must be willing to stop blaming others for losing our tempers and take full responsibility for our behaviors. Adults must act like adults and leave the tantrums to the children. Children have to be taught conflict management and how to make their case without losing their minds. 

We must get help from professionals. 

We need a team approach. 
We must practice the new behaviors. We will fail and we must begin again. We must not resort to blaming and shaming. 

When architects create prototypes and test them, they use the information to make changes to better the end result. 

They don’t just shrug their shoulders and say “ oh well, we tried, we can’t change because this is who we are.”

It’s human beings with grand ideas who make life better for all of us. We can use this same brilliance to make our families better and happier and violence free. 
We can and we must if we hope to help the next generation be violence free.

Love and light


Screaming at the ocean…..

sunset_sailing via crystaldolphin


Have you ever sailed?

I used to sail a little as a teenager in Trinidad. A friend had a catamaran and a whole load of us would go out on the weekend.

Life was simple then!

Some of the things I remember from sailing is that someone would be in charge of the rudder and someone would be in charge of the sail. When the two worked together, the sailing was smooth and sweet. When the two started to argue, I was always losing my balance and falling overboard. For some reason, my two mates were always the same two loggerheads; Ray G. and Noel M. were their real names. I want them to know I remember that they were not always the best sailors in the world!

Good thing we are still friends and can have a good laugh now.

Remembering those days of treading water, endlessly, in the ocean, while Ray and Noel yelled at each other that it was the other’s fault, made me think of how I handled the situation.
I never yelled at the ocean, I always yelled at Ray and Noel, who in turn always laughed at me!
Last week as I was coaching someone, I heard myself say to her, “Stop Yelling at the Ocean!”

What did I mean?
This is what I meant….
When we begin to obsess that our life situations are someone else’s fault, we are yelling at the ocean.
When we find ourselves on high emotional seas and we forget how to use our sails (past lessons and personal responsibility for our own happiness) and our rudders (strengths and positive self talk) we blame the ocean for overturning our boats and for upending our lives.

If you find yourself wishing that OTHERS had acted differently and you wished that THEY would just do ______ (fill in the blank)_____ so that you could FINALLY get on with your life…..You are Yelling at the OCEAN!

Oceans do not have ears.
Oceans do not have feelings.
Oceans are there to help you to navigate to someplace else.

Have you caught yourself yelling at your oceans recently?
Use all that energy to chart a new course and find good sailors to help you.
Ray and Noel if you guys ever read this, I still love you and I’m glad we had so much fun together. And know that I’m still treading water!

Love and light,