Are You Trying to Intentionally Hurt Me?… Because When You Speak those Words, You Touch Shame

Two Saturdays ago, I was immersed in Dr. Brene Brown’s work on Shame on Shame and Resilience.  From that point forward, I knew I would be fundamentally changed but I had no earthly idea just how much. This whole week I have been observing my own shame reactions. I had actually thought that I had worked through most of my shame issues. As IF!

Have you ever felt shamed by someone’s else’s words? Do you know what shame feels like in your body? It is really beneficial to each of us to observe our physical reactions to shame. Personally, my throat closes up, my brain freezes, my upper body gets hot, and I feel life RUNNING!

Shame hates to be named, much like Lord Voldermort in Harry Potter. Shame makes us feel so small that we just want to disappear, fight back or flee.  The area of the brain where shame is felt does not have access to language. Our access to language resides in the pre-frontal cortex.

When you are faced with shame and feel confused you are not losing your mind, only your words. The only way to find words to describe what you are feeling is to be able to step out of shame and have the ability to access the descriptive words.

There is no way I can do justice to Dr Brene Brown’s work in this short blog piece. Nor will I even try.  Her work is based on more than 11,000 interviews and decades of analysis.

Suffice to know the next time you cannot find your words, just remember that you have not lost your mind, only your words.

If someone says,
“Are you out of your mind?”
Simply say,
“No, just out of words!”

Want to know more? Read I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame, by Dr. Brown, and come to my Chat & Chai on November 14th, 11am Central, when Dr. Brown will be my guest. You may even have a chance to ask some questions.

Have a wonderful week ahead!
Love and light,